Beginning this fall, students between the ages of 10 and pre-conception may begin applying for a spot in future cohorts of the Croft Institute.
The school hopes that in doing this, they can mold these minds into becoming “Crofties” at a very young age; traits of elitism, morbidly excessive intelligence, and overall perfection will be ingrained in these students from an early age.
“We hope that by scoping out our potential apprentices 15 to 20 years before any other school even realizes they are alive, we will be able to steal these super scholars from the likes of Harvard or MIT, “ said Kees Gispen, director of Croft.
Parents who intend on breeding potential Croft students may also apply pre-birth and conception, if they are able to provide the Institute with the child’s name, approximate future GPA and standardized test scores, social compatibility ratings, and language/region of study.
However, if any of these things fail to manifest in the future, the child will be doomed to join the vermin of a local community college and will most likely be forced into a life of rueful inferiority.
Professor Ty Ramirez, of the Spanish department, will take no such chances with his five-year-old daughter, Penelope.
“I take her college education very seriously. Not only has she already applied and been accepted into International Studies, but Penny is taking daily three-hour-courses in Mandarin Chinese. The hell I’d let her end up a pregnant McDonald’s worker or, even worse, a common student at a local university!”
If you have a current or potential child interested in applying to Croft, please visit the website or call the Institute as soon as possible; competition is already fierce, so inquire today!
The school hopes that in doing this, they can mold these minds into becoming “Crofties” at a very young age; traits of elitism, morbidly excessive intelligence, and overall perfection will be ingrained in these students from an early age.
“We hope that by scoping out our potential apprentices 15 to 20 years before any other school even realizes they are alive, we will be able to steal these super scholars from the likes of Harvard or MIT, “ said Kees Gispen, director of Croft.
Parents who intend on breeding potential Croft students may also apply pre-birth and conception, if they are able to provide the Institute with the child’s name, approximate future GPA and standardized test scores, social compatibility ratings, and language/region of study.
However, if any of these things fail to manifest in the future, the child will be doomed to join the vermin of a local community college and will most likely be forced into a life of rueful inferiority.
Professor Ty Ramirez, of the Spanish department, will take no such chances with his five-year-old daughter, Penelope.
“I take her college education very seriously. Not only has she already applied and been accepted into International Studies, but Penny is taking daily three-hour-courses in Mandarin Chinese. The hell I’d let her end up a pregnant McDonald’s worker or, even worse, a common student at a local university!”
If you have a current or potential child interested in applying to Croft, please visit the website or call the Institute as soon as possible; competition is already fierce, so inquire today!
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